The Feariss Wheel
“Creeeeaaaak!” Every rusted bolt and screw screamed in protest as the ferris wheel moved. It was as if they were saying “Get off while you still can.” That was exactly what I wanted to do. Unfortunately, that was basically impossible. As the cheesy carnival music blared, I was thrown upward in my seat. The whole machine shuddered with every movement, and my hands tightly gripped the hand rail trying to find something of comfort on this mentally disturbing ride. I’m not even really afraid of heights, but on this, I would pay money to just get off. Then, the worst possible thing that could happen when you are on a piece of metal high in the air next to a gigantic lake happened. Lightning. Out over the horizon, you could see the bolts coming down on the water like daggers. The guy in charge of the wheel didn’t even attempt to stop the ride. Instead, he just turned the music up even louder, and sped up the ride. Now, the chairs began to rock, and I began to feel nauseous. Before I even knew what was happening, I threw up. Now normally this would of been fine with me seeing that after you puke, you feel a ton better, but at this moment, it was almost worse than lightning. Right before I yaked, the wind picked up, so all of my vomit was blown right back in my face. Perfect. There was barf in my face, I was on a metal ride that was liable to break down, right next to water in an electrical storm. Epic. Finally, the ride began to slow down. I was beginning to think I might actually survive when I caught a glimpse of the ride operator. His face had morphed into a demon-esque picture, his teeth had turned into long fangs, and what used to be his dirty fingernails, were now claws. He raked these across my chest, and I fell to the ground. The last thing I saw was the ride that had caused me so much misery through a reddish tint.
Irreplakeable (See?)
C, what a letter
Is life really worth living without it?
No Carbs, No Cake, and no me
We would live in Alifornia, and we would go to Hargers football games
Look at all the things that C has made
Carmel Cappuccinos, the constitution, and chocolate
Calcium, Cows, Chickens and Cars
The text shortcut C U (See You)
How about K U
Not good Right?
Think about the iPhone 5c.
Here’s there slogan minus C:
iPhone 5 For The Olorful.
Can you imagine not having the scent bacon to get you out of bed?
Or no taste of couscous at the dinner table
We could replace it with K right?
If you think so, check out how stupid this looks: Kake
See what I mean?
So after reading this don't take C for granted
If you do, you probably have lost your cranium, or in you case, ranium!
DA POTLUCK
MY STOMACH JUMPED AS I LOOKED AT THE TABLE THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO EAT OFF OF. THERE SAT THINGS THAT IN MY OPINION BELONGED IN THE LANDFILL. THE ODOR WAS PRACTICALLY UNBEARABLE. PERHAPS THE GROSSEST WAS THE SKIN SALAD, AND A CLOSE SECOND WAS THE HUMAN KNEECAPS. HOW COULD PEOPLE EAT THIS STUFF? I WONDERED. EVERYONE HAPPILY MILLED AROUND AS IF THE HAD NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD. I HEARD A SICKENING CRUNCH AS A LADY BIT INTO A ROTTEN FINGER NAIL THAT LOOKED ALMOST HUMAN. I COULD’NT HELP MYSELF, I THREW UP ALL OVER THE TABLE. “OOOO!” SAID A LADY “HE EVEN BROUGHT SAUCE!” SHE FINISHED. “WAS THAT HAND MADE?” ANOTHER ASKED. THIS PLACE JUST GOT EVEN MORE DISGUSTING AS IF THAT WAS POSSIBLE. ALL THESE HUMAN BEINGS PLANNED TO EAT MY BARF AS A SAUCE ON THEIR ROTTEN CHICKEN FEET. I WANTED TO LEAVE, BUT MY LEGS WOULD NOT CARRY ME. I WANTED TO YELL, BUT MY MOUTH WOULD NOT OPEN. I WAS CARRIED OFF TO THE TABLE AND SET DOWN AS IF I WAS JUST ANOTHER DELICACY WAITING TO BE DEVOURED. THEN I REALIZED THAT MAYBE I WAS. A LIVE HUMAN WOULD NOT BE OUT OF PLACE AS A MEAL IN THIS PLACE. THE FIRST PERSON CAME OVER WITH A KNIFE COVERED IN DRY BLOOD. SOMEHOW, I MANAGED TO MOVE, AND I KICKED HIM AS HARD AS I COULD IN THE KIDNEY. HE COLLAPSED IN PAIN, AND THE OTHERS RAN OVER TO “ASSIST HIM” WITH THEIR FORKS AND KNIVES. AS FAST AS MY FEET WOULD MOVE I CHARGED FOR THE DOOR. I SMASHED IT TO SPLINTERS AND RAN FOR THE OUTSIDE WORLD. MY FACE WAS TOUCHED BY SUNLIGHT, AND I FELT THE WARM BREEZE IN MY HAIR. I HAD SURVIVED. I WENT OUT BY THE STREET TO HAIL A TAXI, AND SUDDENLY, I WAS FALLING. I AWOKE ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO MY BED, AND I WAS STILL HALF ASLEEP. MY COVERS HAD SLIPPED OFF AND I WAS FREEZING. I CLIMBED BACK INTO BED, AND TRIED TO FALL BACK ASLEEP WITHOUT ANY MORE NIGHTMARES.
Misinterpretations
I was in my kitchen making mashed potatoes.
All of a sudden I noticed a man clawing at my door like a maniac.
If I didn’t act soon he would be in my house.
Then I did something that you would only see in a cheesy action film.
With nothing in my hands except my potato masher, I charged through the door.
After that, my instincts kicked in. Literally.
I smashed my foot into his chest so hard that he was knocked over.
The man was like lightning though.
In a flash he was back on his feet.
Then he charged.
Not knowing what he was up against, the man tried to tackle me.
Faster than light can move, I ripped the potato masher across his jaw line.
The freak’s knees turned to butter, and he ate it hard on his face, unconscious.
Before I called the cops I needed to figure out who he was.
I found an ID card in his pocket.
It said Your Helpful Washing Machine Salesman.
So I guess if there is a man clawing at your door,
you shouldn’t attack him with a potato masher
because he could just be a solicitor.
“Creeeeaaaak!” Every rusted bolt and screw screamed in protest as the ferris wheel moved. It was as if they were saying “Get off while you still can.” That was exactly what I wanted to do. Unfortunately, that was basically impossible. As the cheesy carnival music blared, I was thrown upward in my seat. The whole machine shuddered with every movement, and my hands tightly gripped the hand rail trying to find something of comfort on this mentally disturbing ride. I’m not even really afraid of heights, but on this, I would pay money to just get off. Then, the worst possible thing that could happen when you are on a piece of metal high in the air next to a gigantic lake happened. Lightning. Out over the horizon, you could see the bolts coming down on the water like daggers. The guy in charge of the wheel didn’t even attempt to stop the ride. Instead, he just turned the music up even louder, and sped up the ride. Now, the chairs began to rock, and I began to feel nauseous. Before I even knew what was happening, I threw up. Now normally this would of been fine with me seeing that after you puke, you feel a ton better, but at this moment, it was almost worse than lightning. Right before I yaked, the wind picked up, so all of my vomit was blown right back in my face. Perfect. There was barf in my face, I was on a metal ride that was liable to break down, right next to water in an electrical storm. Epic. Finally, the ride began to slow down. I was beginning to think I might actually survive when I caught a glimpse of the ride operator. His face had morphed into a demon-esque picture, his teeth had turned into long fangs, and what used to be his dirty fingernails, were now claws. He raked these across my chest, and I fell to the ground. The last thing I saw was the ride that had caused me so much misery through a reddish tint.
Irreplakeable (See?)
C, what a letter
Is life really worth living without it?
No Carbs, No Cake, and no me
We would live in Alifornia, and we would go to Hargers football games
Look at all the things that C has made
Carmel Cappuccinos, the constitution, and chocolate
Calcium, Cows, Chickens and Cars
The text shortcut C U (See You)
How about K U
Not good Right?
Think about the iPhone 5c.
Here’s there slogan minus C:
iPhone 5 For The Olorful.
Can you imagine not having the scent bacon to get you out of bed?
Or no taste of couscous at the dinner table
We could replace it with K right?
If you think so, check out how stupid this looks: Kake
See what I mean?
So after reading this don't take C for granted
If you do, you probably have lost your cranium, or in you case, ranium!
DA POTLUCK
MY STOMACH JUMPED AS I LOOKED AT THE TABLE THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO EAT OFF OF. THERE SAT THINGS THAT IN MY OPINION BELONGED IN THE LANDFILL. THE ODOR WAS PRACTICALLY UNBEARABLE. PERHAPS THE GROSSEST WAS THE SKIN SALAD, AND A CLOSE SECOND WAS THE HUMAN KNEECAPS. HOW COULD PEOPLE EAT THIS STUFF? I WONDERED. EVERYONE HAPPILY MILLED AROUND AS IF THE HAD NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD. I HEARD A SICKENING CRUNCH AS A LADY BIT INTO A ROTTEN FINGER NAIL THAT LOOKED ALMOST HUMAN. I COULD’NT HELP MYSELF, I THREW UP ALL OVER THE TABLE. “OOOO!” SAID A LADY “HE EVEN BROUGHT SAUCE!” SHE FINISHED. “WAS THAT HAND MADE?” ANOTHER ASKED. THIS PLACE JUST GOT EVEN MORE DISGUSTING AS IF THAT WAS POSSIBLE. ALL THESE HUMAN BEINGS PLANNED TO EAT MY BARF AS A SAUCE ON THEIR ROTTEN CHICKEN FEET. I WANTED TO LEAVE, BUT MY LEGS WOULD NOT CARRY ME. I WANTED TO YELL, BUT MY MOUTH WOULD NOT OPEN. I WAS CARRIED OFF TO THE TABLE AND SET DOWN AS IF I WAS JUST ANOTHER DELICACY WAITING TO BE DEVOURED. THEN I REALIZED THAT MAYBE I WAS. A LIVE HUMAN WOULD NOT BE OUT OF PLACE AS A MEAL IN THIS PLACE. THE FIRST PERSON CAME OVER WITH A KNIFE COVERED IN DRY BLOOD. SOMEHOW, I MANAGED TO MOVE, AND I KICKED HIM AS HARD AS I COULD IN THE KIDNEY. HE COLLAPSED IN PAIN, AND THE OTHERS RAN OVER TO “ASSIST HIM” WITH THEIR FORKS AND KNIVES. AS FAST AS MY FEET WOULD MOVE I CHARGED FOR THE DOOR. I SMASHED IT TO SPLINTERS AND RAN FOR THE OUTSIDE WORLD. MY FACE WAS TOUCHED BY SUNLIGHT, AND I FELT THE WARM BREEZE IN MY HAIR. I HAD SURVIVED. I WENT OUT BY THE STREET TO HAIL A TAXI, AND SUDDENLY, I WAS FALLING. I AWOKE ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO MY BED, AND I WAS STILL HALF ASLEEP. MY COVERS HAD SLIPPED OFF AND I WAS FREEZING. I CLIMBED BACK INTO BED, AND TRIED TO FALL BACK ASLEEP WITHOUT ANY MORE NIGHTMARES.
Misinterpretations
I was in my kitchen making mashed potatoes.
All of a sudden I noticed a man clawing at my door like a maniac.
If I didn’t act soon he would be in my house.
Then I did something that you would only see in a cheesy action film.
With nothing in my hands except my potato masher, I charged through the door.
After that, my instincts kicked in. Literally.
I smashed my foot into his chest so hard that he was knocked over.
The man was like lightning though.
In a flash he was back on his feet.
Then he charged.
Not knowing what he was up against, the man tried to tackle me.
Faster than light can move, I ripped the potato masher across his jaw line.
The freak’s knees turned to butter, and he ate it hard on his face, unconscious.
Before I called the cops I needed to figure out who he was.
I found an ID card in his pocket.
It said Your Helpful Washing Machine Salesman.
So I guess if there is a man clawing at your door,
you shouldn’t attack him with a potato masher
because he could just be a solicitor.
